Traffic Cop Admits: I Was Never Breast Fed as a Baby

18 July 2013, 8:30am

The Bell Tower Times recently caught up with the winner of the prestigious “Mr Infringement 2012”, a highly prized accolade among the traffic branch of the WA Police.

The young officer shot to fame in 2010 when he managed to infringe the same driver 4 times in one day. He told us, “I just kept pinging the lead footed scrote. What a rush. Let’s see him afford his children’s school uniforms now”.

We met with the young officer  on Monday and asked him why he made such an excellent traffic cop, he told us:

“I wasn't like the other kids at school. I was always the one to dob on other kids to the teacher. It seemed only natural that I would grow up to become a traffic cop.

I got some valuable insight into my suitability for the job after the second time I was caught  acting “inappropriately” towards destitute men in the holding cells. The top brass said that I should go and see the department’s shrink. They assured me that my confused and complicated issues were the very reason I was promoted up the ranks so fast".

After a few counselling sessions, I recalled a repressed memory, my mother had never breast fed me. She never offered me her milk. I guess this is where my anger and confusion stems from.

I wasn't really going to boof those hobos, I was just having a bloody good laugh”.

Before we parted ways with the young superstar, we asked whether he would ever consider utilising his superior police skills to solve some of the state’s worst unsolved crimes, he told us, “only if I can slap a yellow sticker on the murderer's chest and take him through the pits”.

True blue.